you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize