He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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