I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
