Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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