I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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