I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
