Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
