Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
