you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
