So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
