idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
