dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
