I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
