Define "chronic" masturbator.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
