Welp...herpes.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
