It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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