I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
