My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
