omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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