he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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