hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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