Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
