I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
