it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
