I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He shit in the fireplace
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
