Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He? As in you personified your dick?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
