I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
