We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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