Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize