i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
