Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
