I just pynch a tree in the face
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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