Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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