adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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