She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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