if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
