the condom got lost in my hair
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
