i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
