Your dad touched me again.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
