Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
