Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
