He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
