I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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