This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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