watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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