Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
