y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Me too!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
