i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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