hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
