So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
