I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
