Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
