Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
