Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm too high and old for this...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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