Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
