so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
how can u be prego again
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
