don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
