No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Mom said you looked used
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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