Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
