We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
