Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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