I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
