I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
