How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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