I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
