I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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