When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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