If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Who died my cat blue again?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
