Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize