he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
