I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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