Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
