so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
only you would photoshop your dick
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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