So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
